Male Depression: Symptoms Men Hide and Families Miss

In many of our homes a man is expected to be the wall that holds the house up. He earns, solves, protects and does not complain. So when a man becomes depressed, it often does not look like the picture of a tearful person in bed. It looks like a short temper, longer office hours, silence at dinner or a phone that is never put down. Male depression is frequently missed because it wears a different face.

This guide is for men who suspect something is wrong, and for the wives, mothers, sisters and friends who are worried about them. I will cover the hidden signs, why they are missed in desi families, what to say, and how to take the first steps towards help.

Short answer: Men with depression may show anger, irritability, risk-taking, heavy use of substances, physical aches or withdrawal, rather than obvious sadness. These signs are easily read as “bad mood” or “stress”. Depression is treatable, and noticing it early, with patience rather than pressure, makes help more likely.

Need help right now? If you might harm yourself or someone else, or you are in danger right now, call your local emergency number or go to the nearest emergency department.

• Pakistan: Umang mental health helpline 0311 7786264; in an emergency, police 15 or Rescue 1122
• Saudi Arabia: emergency 911; counselling line 920033360 (8am–8pm, Saturday 1pm–8pm; not 24 hours)
• India: Tele-MANAS 14416 or 1-800-891-4416 (emergency 112)
• Bangladesh: Kaan Pete Roi +880 9612-119911 (3pm to 3am daily)
• United States: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, call or text 988 (24/7)
• Canada: 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline, call or text 988 (24/7)
• UK and Ireland: Samaritans 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• European Union: emergency number 112
• Anywhere else: call your local emergency number, or find a free helpline at findahelpline.com.

• Different presentation: the NIMH lists anger, irritability or aggressiveness among symptoms that may appear in men (NIMH).
• Less treatment: men are less likely than women to have received mental health treatment in the past year, the NIMH notes.
• Common worldwide: the WHO estimates that about 4.1% of adult men had depression in 2023 (WHO).
• Treatable: the WHO states that there is effective treatment for mild, moderate and severe depression.

Why depression in men is often missed

Standard descriptions of depression focus on sadness, crying and loss of interest. A large US study found that when “alternative” symptoms such as anger attacks, substance use and risk-taking were included, the gap between men and women in reported depression narrowed considerably (Martin et al., 2013).

Culture adds another layer. Phrases such as “mard ko dard nahi hota” teach boys early that pain should be hidden. As adults, many men describe their low mood as tiredness, stress or a physical problem, because those words feel more acceptable. If you are unsure whether it is work exhaustion or something deeper, the guide on burnout vs depression explains the difference.

Symptoms men hide

These are drawn from the NIMH list of symptoms in men and the NHS overview of depression:

• Irritability or anger that is new or out of character
• Working much longer hours, or being unable to switch off
• Withdrawing from friends, family events or prayer gatherings
• Using smoking, alcohol, gaming or scrolling to numb feelings
• Headaches, stomach problems or aches without a clear cause
• Reckless driving or other risky behaviour
• Sleeping much more or much less than usual
• Feeling flat, or having trouble feeling positive emotions
• Saying things like “nothing matters” or “everyone would be better off”

No single sign proves depression. A cluster that lasts for weeks deserves attention.

What it can look like in desi families

A composite of common situations (not a real client). Each situation below is illustrative.

The provider who never stops

Kashif, 41, runs a shop in Gujranwala and supports his parents, wife and three children. He opens earlier and closes later every month. At home he snaps at the children over small things and falls asleep in front of the television. His family says he is “just tired”.

The quiet son abroad

Arjun, 29, works in Dubai and sends money home every month. On calls he says everything is fine. In reality he has stopped going out with colleagues, eats one meal a day and spends weekends in bed scrolling.

The newly retired father

Tariq, 62, in Karachi, has lost his routine and his sense of purpose since retirement. He criticises everyone, refuses to visit relatives and complains of back pain no doctor can explain.

A bad patch or depression?

Everyone has hard weeks. The WHO describes depression as different from regular mood changes and feelings about everyday life: it involves a depressed mood or loss of pleasure or interest in activities for long periods of time (WHO). The NHS similarly notes that when you are depressed you feel persistently low for weeks or months, rather than just a few days (NHS).

Useful questions for a man, or for those who love him:

• Has this lasted most days for two weeks or more?
• Has he stopped enjoying things he used to look forward to, such as cricket with friends, his children’s games or Friday family meals?
• Is it affecting his work, sleep, appetite or relationships?
• Is he relying more on something to cope, such as smoking, substances, gaming or endless scrolling?

If several answers are yes, it is worth a proper assessment by a qualified professional, rather than waiting for it to pass.

Why men in our cultures struggle to ask for help

• Provider pressure: admitting difficulty can feel like failing the family.
• Stigma: fears of being called “pagal” or weak, or of damaging marriage prospects for siblings.
• Faith misunderstood: some believe depression means weak iman, which adds guilt to pain.
• No language for feelings: many men were never taught words beyond “fine” and “tension”.

The NIMH notes that men are less likely than women to have received mental health treatment in the past year (NIMH). Closing that gap starts at home, with how families talk about it.

Myths and facts about male depression

• Myth: “Real men don’t get depressed.” Fact: the WHO estimates millions of men worldwide experience depression (WHO).
• Myth: “If he isn’t crying, he isn’t depressed.” Fact: anger, irritability and risk-taking can be signs in men (NIMH).
• Myth: “It’s just work stress.” Fact: work stress can contribute, but depression tends to affect the whole of life.
• Myth: “Depression is a lack of faith.” Fact: depression is a health condition. The WHO notes that people who have lived through abuse, severe losses or other stressful events are more likely to develop it (WHO). Faith can be a support alongside care, not a replacement for it.
• Myth: “Talking about it makes it worse.” Fact: speaking openly and kindly is one of the main ways people reach help.

How it is often read, and what might be underneath

• “He is always angry” may hide exhaustion and low mood.
• “He loves his work” may hide avoidance of feelings at home.
• “He has no time for us” may hide loss of interest and energy.
• “It’s just back pain” may be stress showing up in the body.

How to start the conversation, step by step

Most men respond better to side-by-side conversations, such as during a walk or a drive, than to face-to-face confrontations.

1. Choose a calm moment: not during an argument or in front of others.
2. Describe, don’t diagnose: talk about what you have noticed, not labels.
3. Listen more than you advise: resist the urge to fix it immediately.
4. Offer one practical step: a doctor’s visit, a session with a psychologist, or our free depression check (PHQ-9) as a starting point, not a diagnosis. If he became a father in the past year, the postpartum depression screening test is written for new fathers too.
5. Keep coming back: one conversation rarely changes everything. Steady care does.

What to say: scripts for families and for men

A wife to her husband

“You seem tired and short-tempered lately, and I’m worried about you, not angry with you. I’m on your side. Can we talk about what’s been weighing on you?”

A parent to a son

“Beta, you don’t have to carry everything alone. Even strong people need help sometimes. Would you see someone if I came with you?”

A friend to a friend

“Yaar, you haven’t seemed yourself for a while. No pressure, but I’m here if you want to talk, or just go for a drive.”

A man to his doctor or psychologist

“I’ve been irritable, not sleeping well and I don’t enjoy things like I used to. It’s been going on for about [number] weeks.”

Avoid “Just be positive”, “Others have it worse” or “Pray more and it will go.” Even when well meant, they tell a man that his pain is not welcome.

When anger crosses a line

Irritability can be a sign of depression, but depression never makes abuse acceptable. If anger turns into threats, hitting, breaking things or controlling behaviour, the safety of the wife, children and others in the home comes first. Support for his depression can come later; protection comes now. Use the emergency numbers below if anyone is in danger.

For men who notice their temper rising, my step-by-step guide to controlling anger offers practical tools, alongside professional help.

Looking after yourself as the person who cares

Living with someone who is depressed can be lonely and exhausting. Wives in particular often absorb the anger, cover for the silence with relatives and manage the household alone. Your own health matters too: my guide to women’s mental health covers the pressures many wives carry at home.

• You are not the cause: depression has many contributing factors, and you cannot love someone out of it.
• Keep your own support: one trusted friend or relative you can speak to honestly.
• Set gentle limits: you can be kind and still say, “I won’t be spoken to like that.”
• Protect your health: sleep, meals and some time for yourself each week.
• Get help for yourself too: speaking to a psychologist can help even if he is not ready to go.

What men can do for themselves today

1. Name it privately: write down what you have noticed over the past month.
2. Tell one person: a brother, friend, spouse or colleague you trust.
3. Book one appointment: a GP or family doctor is a reasonable first step, as the NIMH suggests a primary care provider can refer you on (NIMH).
4. Protect the basics: regular sleep, meals and some daily movement.
5. Cut back on numbing: notice how much time goes to scrolling, gaming or substances.

For men reading this: needing support is not weakness. It is the same responsibility you show your family, turned towards yourself.

When to get professional help

Please see a psychologist, psychiatrist or doctor soon if:

• low mood, irritability or loss of interest has lasted two weeks or more
• work, marriage or parenting is suffering
• you are relying on alcohol, drugs or other substances to cope
• you are taking dangerous risks
• you feel hopeless, or have any thoughts of harming yourself (use the urgent help below today)

If you need urgent help If you might harm yourself or someone else, or you are in danger right now, call your local emergency number or go to the nearest emergency department.

• Pakistan: Umang mental health helpline 0311 7786264; in an emergency, police 15 or Rescue 1122
• Saudi Arabia: emergency 911; counselling line 920033360 (8am–8pm, Saturday 1pm–8pm; not 24 hours)
• India: Tele-MANAS 14416 or 1-800-891-4416 (emergency 112)
• Bangladesh: Kaan Pete Roi +880 9612-119911 (3pm to 3am daily)
• United States: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, call or text 988 (24/7)
• Canada: 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline, call or text 988 (24/7)
• UK and Ireland: Samaritans 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• European Union: emergency number 112
• Anywhere else: call your local emergency number, or find a free helpline at findahelpline.com.

If you would like to talk this through with me, you can book a consultation. Whoever you choose, choose someone qualified and registered.

Related reading: Depression at Work, How to Control Anger: A Psychologist’s Step-by-Step Guide, Free Depression Test (PHQ-9). For more, explore the Mind section of this site.

Quick FAQ

Can men have depression without feeling sad?
Yes. Some men mainly notice irritability, numbness, fatigue or physical symptoms. A professional can help make sense of this.

Is male depression just stress from work?
Work stress can contribute, but depression tends to affect the whole of life, not only the job. Our guide to depression at work explains the difference.

What if he refuses to see anyone?
Stay connected, avoid ultimatums where you can, and keep the door open. If you are ever worried about his safety, use the urgent help options above.

Is it a sign of weak iman?
No. Depression is a health condition that affects people of every faith and every level of devotion. Many men find faith a real source of comfort and meaning alongside professional help, not instead of it. A good therapist will respect your beliefs.

Does therapy work for men?
The WHO states that there is effective treatment for depression, including psychological treatments.

References

1. National Institute of Mental Health. Men and Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/men-and-mental-health
2. World Health Organization. Depressive disorder (depression) (fact sheet). https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/depression
3. Martin LA, Neighbors HW, Griffith DM. The experience of symptoms of depression in men vs women: analysis of the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. JAMA Psychiatry. 2013;70(10):1100-1106. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2013.1985
4. NHS. Depression in adults: overview. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/depression-in-adults/overview/
5. Rescue 1122 (Emergency Services Department). https://rescue.gov.pk/

Last checked 13 October 2026. This article is for education only and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional care. Written by Dr. Malik Sherjeel Awan (PsyD).

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Dr. Malik Sherjeel Awan

Dr. Malik Sherjeel Awan is a clinical psychologist based in Makkah. PsyD (Clinical Psychology), University of Karachi.
He writes practical, evidence-based psychology for everyday life.

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